Bridging the Gap

Not gonna get into "what's been going on" in between when my blog died and when it rose triumphantly from its ashes like a giant sexy Phoenix of karate and friendship (FOR EVERYONE!!!)

I still sell phones and go to gym should preeeetty much cover it.

What I have been doing with my spare time though is tearin it up on xbox live arcade. Let's study this issue in the form of a list chart

Modern Warfare 3 -$99.99
Battlefield 3 - $59.99
Skyrim - $99.99

...

Gotham City Imposters - $12.99









Watching the trailer will give you the jist of it but your better off just to buy it yourself because its fuckin AWESOME. Giant fat guys dive bombing enemies, Grapple guns, electric ball shooter things, parrot cannons. Its like jesus got drunk and combined every awesome genre he could think of and combined it into an FPS game.

Enjoy, Brandon

Bat out of Hell 2: Back into Hell

whens the last time I wrote in this shit?  Kinda gave up after that board game night. I got a job or something didn't I? Anyway, everyone survived that night and here we are "x" amount of months later. Gettin bored so I'm going to start writing in this again or what can be somewhat mistaken as "writing"; refer to Misleading Moustache Mutinies for my disclaimer.

Changes? WoW Wednesday is gone but anyone who plays WoW could have seen that one coming. Gonna replace it with something.. eventually. Going to keep going with "Moustache Mondays" and "Why am I Watching this Weekends" though.

Anyway, this is my resurrection post. Ill be writing a new one for tomorrow, highlighting... something... yea, probably.

Like A Bat Out of Hell

As you may have noticed I missed both "Why Am I Watching This" and "Moustache Monday". Deepest Apologies, I assure you. Game night on Saturday night preeeety much took me out of the whole weekend. I don't think there's much left from that picture below.

Andy was pukin his guts out all Sunday morning and I couldn't even touch the PC till Sunday night. Then it was straight to WoW of course. This was the only other picture from game night, and the only game really from game night. After that it was just "trying to finish everything in the picture" night. I think there's some Gin and Long Island Iced Tea left.

I remember discussing Iceland on the gameboard at length. It is in fact an impenetrable fortress most nights. I've played many a game of Risk and seen many armies smashed against its icy walls of defense. 4 units, 3 units 2 units of defense it makes no difference. Whatever devious wizard casts his ward over Iceland must be very powerful. He must have been drunk on some wizard brew Saturday night though cuz that place went down in 2 rolls. 

As you can see on the top right picture though , I own all of South America and using a pincer move in North America to drive Shannon and Andy out of Alberta, Ontario and Eastern Canada. I'd own the industries (Child labour camps sewing together Air Jordans and  Reebok's) making the cars, clothing and appliances and then be the ones buying them as well!

Monday came and I was hell bent on 85. Since my last post; which I can't remember what level I was then, I've reached 84. It is now in my grasps!

WoW, but not Wednesday and not entirely

So this week I skipped WoW Wednesday because of time restrictions. I've been playing almost non stop just to try and hit 85 ASAP.

I'm 79 right now and thank god it's almost over. I lose all track of time. Everything just runs together. I'm going to take a break this weekend for game night. Get drunk and play some Risk or Cranium, maybe even Some Gears of War tabletop.

I really enjoy Risk to the point where I have a playlist on my phone dedicated to music that suits its' playing style. Just plug that into the surround sound system, grab the bottle of Captain Morgans Long Island Iced Tea and off we go!

GOW is a bit harder to set up and requires probably 4x the thinking and strategy needed to play Risk but I suspect is the way with most tabletop games of the sort. I feel like drinking before setting the game up would just end up being a wreck.

Anyway, here's the WoW stats for this week...

Armoury Stats Here

Sgt. Larry Shawn 'Pappy' Patrick - Moustache Monday

This week we look at Sgt. Larry Shawn 'Pappy' Patrick from the TV series "Generation Kill"

Although the series was just a mini made for TV movie event and the moustache itself wasn't particulary famous it did however become the cause of one of the best scenes in the entire series

...Sgt. Larry Shawn 'Pappy' Patrick, lookin like Elvis.

Monte Carlo - Why Am I Watching This Weekend

Another installment of WAIWTW. Last weekend was "Water For Elephants". Although it was ultimately a waste of time; as expected, it still had some back story to it and a theme of sorts. I don't think my girlfriend had quite grasped the concept of this feature by then. This weekend though, she hit it right on the nose.

I will be watching "Monte Carlo" featuring none other than Selena Gomez. Was this movie in theatres? No. It was not. In fact I'm certain we're the only people to rent this movie since its' release, whenever that was. I could tell you what the back of the DVD says to give you a heads up but I don't really want to know what I'm getting into. Here We Go..


Monte Carlo..

observations:

- 45 seconds in and I'm taking Tylenol

- Shitty upbeat tween girl power music is bountiful

- Nobody's high school gym floors are that shiny. They're full of gum and skid marks.

- For a city in Texas, no one on screen is fat, though half of them are dressed hookerish

- There's an Australian in Paris. Someone call INTERPOL and let them know he got off the island before he steals some baguettes.

- Crisis! They've lost their tour guide in Paris! How will they ever survive? The city's practically designed to cater to tourists. I'm sure they'll survive.

- When's the last time you saw 3 women in a bed who were actually "sleeping"? This movie is full of lies!

- The only difference between the movie being rated G and PG are the sizes of boobs in these skimpy dresses and bathing suits.

- The Australian has reappeared with what appears to be a stolen toothbrush and in the act of stealing a scooter. He needs to steal some buttons to button up his shirt.

- The prized jeweled necklace is now in the leather satchel of the Australian. We would never see him or it again if this was real life.


Review:

The movie hasn't ended yet but I'll give you the low down. Girl goes to Paris with her bimbo sisters. She gets mistaken for some famous British... something. They never actually say what she does or why she's famous, and shenanigans ensue. Shannon says it's a movie about them finding themselves which apparently you need to go to Paris to do. What amazes me is that after impersonating this woman for a week and stealing this made for movies fancy necklace, she doesn't get arrested because this is exactly how useful the French police force is! There's a guy from Texas in there somewhere too. I'm just amazed he managed to figure out how to get out of his truck and onto a plane. They must be beefing up the school system down there. No more just preaching Fear of Jesus and State Titles!

The real winner here is probably the under handed Australian whom I'm assuming gave the woman in charge of casting a fake identity so he could get on set and steal film equipment. By the end of shooting he was probably already back across the ocean on a stolen life raft with thousands of dollars worth of lighting and sound equipment, hiding out in his bandit cave, a.k.a. Sydney, fencing his loot and raping back alley hookers.

Another weekend, another craptastic film

WoW Wednesday - 02/01/12 (belated)

So after writing an update for yesterday, I thought I had posted, I realized this morning when I turned my laptop back on that it in fact had not posted and everything I had written had been lost!

So here's a condensed/updated version

Level 66 now, getting on for 67. I mainly spend my days racing on the Professional Questing Circuit:

1. Hit a town/village/encampment/NPC's standing under a drape

2. Grab all the yellow exclamation points I can

3. Check map and plot a linear course that will take me to all quest locations and back,

4. Leave said town/village/encampment/ NPC's standing under a drape

5. Complete quest

6. Return, repeat.

Sometimes this happens for hours and hours straight. I wont just go for a quest run without taking a break, I might finish off an entire province or territory (or whatever you want to refer to it as) without getting up. I often just black out during these outings. Ive awoken numerous times to find myself lying naked on my balcony, my hands soaked in blood and a dead hooker lying in my kitchen. Cant remember whats happened but it must not have been pretty.

Every now and then my friend Andy will run me through an instance but most of the time, I roam by myself. Only question left... how man ladies of the evening will die before I reach 85?

I appear to be a disgruntled Rugby player at this point in my leveling

Ned Flanders - Moustache Monday

 Today we are showcasing God's right hand man, Nedward Flanders Jr. or more commonly know as Ned Flanders

 
At this point in your life, if you are unaware of who Ned Flanders is you could be one of two things:

1) An infant baby, in which case you're probably abandoned in Ikea and don't matter to me

or 

2) A Nazi Zombie 

Although Ned began his life as a spoiled rotten brat being raised by freaky beatnik parents, his time spent being spanked by Dr. Foster for 6 months set him on a path of righteousness. Since then Ned Flanders has devoted himself to the Lord and trying to make the world he lives in a better place for everyone. Ned has two children, Rod and Todd and has been single (aside from when he and Homer married those two hookers in Vegas) since his wife, Maude, passed away from falling off a set of bleachers after being struck by a t-shirt shot from a cannon. He is the owner of  "The Leftorium", a novelty shop dedicated to items designed for south paws and easily has one of the best rumpus rooms in Springfield.

Water For Elephants - Why Am I Watching This Weekend

Welcome to the first instalment of "Why Am I Watching This, Weekend". In Case you've forgotten what this feature entails allow me to refresh your memory. My common law lady will choose a movie for me every weekend to watch,comment on and review. The catch? They are movies chosen solely based on how likely I am to despise them. Without further Adieu..

Water For Elephants...






Play by play observations:


-Old Man hittin on emo kid in first 5 minutes. Its like a truck stop in Oregon. I think its at a truck stop actually.

-Twilight boy is the star. Shovelling horse poop. Someone should have told him back then not to quit his day job.

-This movie may be based on the Hartford tent fire. Fellow FPT students will be very familiar with this.

-1930's circuses had strippers and boobie tassel's. Truly Kings among men.

-The stripper circus turns into a literal hooker train at night.

-The entire circus will now be referred to as "The Stripper Circus"

- "The Jew Hunter" from Inglorious Basterds is the stripper circus boss. "That's a bingo!"

-Mercy killin' horses. Delicious horse stew for the army.

-Twilight is dressed as a transvestite. Shoulda seen it coming.

-Elephant speaks polish. Shoulda stayed in Poland, she could have quelled the Blitzkrieg.

-Effin lions and tigers and bears everywhere and they're just strolling out the place, not a care in the world.

-The movie is not about the Hartford tent fire.

Review:

Water For Elephants is a classic story of orphan joins circus, orphan seduces married woman, husband of said married woman tries to kill as many people in the circus as possible, elephant kills husband, starring Twilight or "Robert Pattionson" if you're a tween or a lonely lonely woman, and Reese Witherspoon. Also "The Jew Hunter" is in it. Truly a tale as old as time itself. I'm preeeeeety sure it was a love story. Although I don't know many love stories that involve a circus that didn't include bestiality. Hell, they had it in Clerks 2 and they worked at a fast food joint. Were talkin transients in the 30's gettin drunk off moon shine being left alone with animals all night. Ah well.. maybe there were undertones of it I missed.

 Reese Witherspoon is dressed like a two doll whore; or a two dime whore if we're going for time line accuracy, the entire movie. Twilight is obviously attracted to her manly/horse like features. Damn, I guess that could have been the undertone I was missing. Sometimes when the horses were in the shot I thought it was just Resse galloping around but then realised that horses don't have teeth that big.

Reese Witherspoon with her stunt doubles

Twilight was.. I dunno.. acting I guess. I think the whole movie could have played out just about the same even if he wasn't apart of it. He got smacked around a lot which was fun to watch. Pretty much had the same expression on his face the entire movie..

Confused, Jacob

Erotic, Jacob

Angry Jacob

Content, Jacob

All in all I watched half and listened to the other half while I researched Hitler for an upcoming moustache Monday. After thinking about it, that elephant never once drank water. All I saw drink was pink lemonade an whiskey. What a bullshit title. Just a boring, predictable movie. Not watching it again.

Laptop void of all suck

Yesterday, the reason I had been getting out of bed these past few weeks, finally arrived at Purolator. Needless to say I have abandoned my desktop like a baby at Ikea and have not look backed since.

Alienware m14x

Financed? Yes. Big Time. Worth it? Completely. They give you the starting price but with all the upgrades, its all downhill from there. 

Trumps

WoW Wednesday 01/25/12

Every WoW story has a beginning and an ending, and then possibly another beginning, followed by a middle, and then maybe back to the beginning and then maybe ends at the middle. What I'm trying to say is everyone who plays, eventually stops, sometimes picks up where they left off again or in my case, deletes their characters and swears it off all together. Swearing off WoW though is never for certain. The phat lewtz, the customisation, the Norris jokes are always calling, beckoning to a player, commanding their return. Sure I've dabbled and even immersed myself into other MMMORPG's: Conan, Warhammer, EQ, Rift, Vanguard, Guild Wars; all games I've either spent 1 hour in or 1 year in but none compare to the absolute simplistic and half minded thought process needed to play WoW. From start to end it secures the training wheels on your bike, puts on your helmet and elbow pads and gently pushes you through the quest lines, dungeons, battlegrounds and endgame raids. If you're able to heal through BWL for the first time with your guild (before TBC, WoTLK and Cataclysm) while at the very same time make a macro commanding a massive dragon to exit your ass, someone at blizzard has the easy button taped down.


After jumping ship quite a while ago by deleting my 3 separate mains and all my alts I have returned to the MMORPG equivalent of a babies security blankie. I invite you to join my goblin rogue and I as I start this tragic adventure once more. Unfortunately "PickleTickles" was already taken as a name on the server so I present to you..

Verbosa 
  

Unfortunately I couldn't get a in game shot because of blizzards server maintenance. God knows how important the lunar festival is to people -_-. Following the link attached to the name though will take you to his character screen and armoury view.

Misleading Moustache Mutinies

Oxford defines "Moustache" as: n. a strip of hair left to grow above a man's upper lip.

Oxford also defines "Mutiny" as: n. an open rebellion against authority, especially by soldiers or sailors against their officers.

In the content of this blog you may find minimal to little of both moustaches and mutinies. What you will find though, are my meandering experiences forcefully; and often poorly, converted into blog posts for your humour and inevitable criticism. We'll be taking part in such features as "Moustache Monday", where we catalogue famous cookie crumblers and soup strainers and the stars whom they are attached to. "Why am I watching this weekends", is another feature where I review films chosen by my girlfriend on the basis of how likely I am to despise the film. Showcasing my ladies man status will be "WoW Wednesdays", where I update you on my progress regarding my reinsertion into the Warcraft Odyssey. Keep in mind this feature will remain active as long as my sanity allows it to.

As time and boredom progress, other segments will surely come to light and then implode under the weight of their own uselessness.  Now that you have began reading, there is no point in trying to leave. I'm sure you have noticed the bars on the windows and I have locked the doors from the outside.