Monte Carlo - Why Am I Watching This Weekend

Another installment of WAIWTW. Last weekend was "Water For Elephants". Although it was ultimately a waste of time; as expected, it still had some back story to it and a theme of sorts. I don't think my girlfriend had quite grasped the concept of this feature by then. This weekend though, she hit it right on the nose.

I will be watching "Monte Carlo" featuring none other than Selena Gomez. Was this movie in theatres? No. It was not. In fact I'm certain we're the only people to rent this movie since its' release, whenever that was. I could tell you what the back of the DVD says to give you a heads up but I don't really want to know what I'm getting into. Here We Go..


Monte Carlo..

observations:

- 45 seconds in and I'm taking Tylenol

- Shitty upbeat tween girl power music is bountiful

- Nobody's high school gym floors are that shiny. They're full of gum and skid marks.

- For a city in Texas, no one on screen is fat, though half of them are dressed hookerish

- There's an Australian in Paris. Someone call INTERPOL and let them know he got off the island before he steals some baguettes.

- Crisis! They've lost their tour guide in Paris! How will they ever survive? The city's practically designed to cater to tourists. I'm sure they'll survive.

- When's the last time you saw 3 women in a bed who were actually "sleeping"? This movie is full of lies!

- The only difference between the movie being rated G and PG are the sizes of boobs in these skimpy dresses and bathing suits.

- The Australian has reappeared with what appears to be a stolen toothbrush and in the act of stealing a scooter. He needs to steal some buttons to button up his shirt.

- The prized jeweled necklace is now in the leather satchel of the Australian. We would never see him or it again if this was real life.


Review:

The movie hasn't ended yet but I'll give you the low down. Girl goes to Paris with her bimbo sisters. She gets mistaken for some famous British... something. They never actually say what she does or why she's famous, and shenanigans ensue. Shannon says it's a movie about them finding themselves which apparently you need to go to Paris to do. What amazes me is that after impersonating this woman for a week and stealing this made for movies fancy necklace, she doesn't get arrested because this is exactly how useful the French police force is! There's a guy from Texas in there somewhere too. I'm just amazed he managed to figure out how to get out of his truck and onto a plane. They must be beefing up the school system down there. No more just preaching Fear of Jesus and State Titles!

The real winner here is probably the under handed Australian whom I'm assuming gave the woman in charge of casting a fake identity so he could get on set and steal film equipment. By the end of shooting he was probably already back across the ocean on a stolen life raft with thousands of dollars worth of lighting and sound equipment, hiding out in his bandit cave, a.k.a. Sydney, fencing his loot and raping back alley hookers.

Another weekend, another craptastic film